Spring Cleaning [part:FIVE]

 Featured photo taken by M.J. at Canal Street.


“A Favor”


Thoughts on waiting

Waiting is a very difficult thing to do. It really is. You can feel time strip away your youth, you can feel your aging strip away the time which you can never turn back. So don’t ever wait. Waiting is something you don’t need to tolerate but something you must master. Learn when it is OK to wait because patience is a virtue, but waiting is a crime committed against you and your soul and your body. Don’t wait because waiting is the key to throwing away your life.

August 20, 2014.


Always pleasing people is tiring. It’s almost excruciatingly unbearable at times, but only because you know you shouldn’t be doing it yet you cannot help it an therefore you do it, hurting you and hurting them. Always pleasing people is a way to begin erasing yourself and those who are pleased, so, please, stop doing it. Stop pleasing for no reason, and don’t please even if you have a reason because your reason for pleasing is probably that you just simply don’t like to displease, that you like to see people happy, etc, etc. But, look, you are human too and this pleasing will catch up to them as well as to you. You are going to explode one day, and your world is going to stay in tact while you crumble and then disintegrate into a nothingness that will address you as no more than Ms. Nobody.

August 7, 2014.

lightning called love
You can never expect to find love, or know what to expect of it. When you find it, you’ll know. You might have all of these imaginations about what it will look like, and it might very well be true but it might also be completely unlike what you had envisioned. It’s fine to fantasize, imagine, create ideal, future companions but in the end it will hit you like lightning. Love can be as random as lightning; with the perfect time and place it will hit you and you will find love.
Many times, two people will love one another but either the time or the place will not align and like so, the stars will not align and neither will the clouds and the air molecules and the electrons to create the electrical impulse which strikes your body. Your mind and your heart will work in unison, both jumped by it, and you will not have to reason with your heart nor will your heart need to soften your rationale.

It will feel right, and you will know. But how will you know? This can only be answered by you when you feel it, you will say “you just know.”

-or so I want to believe

-I am told to wait and to let it happen

-but what will happen if I was meant not to wait?

-if I were meant to write my own book, to color my own path, to choose my own destiny then how could I let it happen?

-I’ve heard that there are standards that we make for ourselves. For example, our standard of happiness varies from person to person. The most happy I’ve ever experienced being will be the most happiness I will ever know or recognize. I will not want more, but I will know it is the greatest happiness I have ever felt until I experience happiness once again that is even greater. But, in the moment that I feel the greatest happiness as of yet, should I settle for that happiness as my limit or do I seek for greater happiness (though it might very well be that it is impossible)? Now, to put it in terms of love, I might know that in the moment the love is real and that it is perfect, I’m sure many couples have felt it. But, sometimes a better love comes along, something that tops the previous “I just knew it was love” and then someone gets a divorce or a breakup.

Conclusion: love must not be the only factor when marrying. Love must not be the only factor in successful relationship between two people. Love can be felt by many people for many people at one time or another. Time and place will determine the love’s capability to boil in the chemistry lab and to create something more than just love. This, if it is possible to recognize and to “just know” what this boiling sensation feels like, this..this passion, I say, that we must wait for it. Or search for it. However we encounter or achieve it, we must hope that it exists because love, though it is lightning, it is not the miracle of Adam and Eve. It is not the miracle work of God. It is the work of chance. [But] I want the boiling to be mine, whether someone gives it to me or I find it myself, I want it to be mine.

June 16, 2014.


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